What happened when I opened myself to intuition and listened to the universe..

 

Ancestors

I took an online course about making space for creativity, and one of the exercises involves allowing your intuition to take over decision-making power. Allowing your intuition to choose means that the mind has to relinquish power to the heart. Emotions are given respect, and listened to, rather than smothered by reason and logic. Listening to my heart more had the added side-effect of feeling more present in each moment. I was feeling and being, rather than thinking and doing. Being in that space allowed me to notice signs from the universe. While in that space, I realized that I have encountered an ancestral theme much more often than usual. I never think about my ancestors or even come across the word ancestor in daily life. Suddenly I was surrounded by the word. 

In North Carolina, I spoke with multiple friends from different circles who were all sending in the DNA test packages to find out more about their ancestors. To learn where they come from as a way to cultivate insight into who they are today. In San Francisco, I took a beachside yoga class where at one point we lined up facing the rolling waves, with wind blowing strongly in our faces. We held up out arms, hands stretched to the sky, and we were prompted to think of our ancestors, of all the people who came before us, and built what we enjoy today. We stand on their shoulders and everything we have is because of them. Then, today, writing this, I noticed it again.

There are a lot of hummingbirds here. And flies. Flies and hummingbirds. Annoying and breathtaking. The first time I heard the hummingbird outside my window, it frightened me with the loud drumming of its wings. They are impressive, beautiful birds, hovering and zooming around as they visit the flowers around my cabin. One repeatedly cycled through a strange circle, that had me watching for it, attempting to figure out the purpose of its strange behavior. It would chirp and return to the same spot in the open air. It seemed to be moving in a wide circle and would disappear from my sight, until I heard the chirp again and it returned back to the same spot in the wide sky. It moved so fast, I could not follow it with my eyes to determine where it went for half of its arc. It would appear and disappear, over and over. 

I have heard that hummingbirds symbolize loved ones who have passed on coming back for a visit. They represent our ancestors watching over us. I wonder if the one I saw could be Grammy. I have her hummingbird wind chime from her condo. The signs align. 

If she is here with me, I wonder what she would think of me now. I wonder what she thinks now that she can see who I truly am. Now that she watches me while I think no one is watching. I wonder if she is disappointed that I am more than the face of the polite granddaughter stopping in for short visits and small talk on safe subjects. More than the child who she never saw genuinely be herself around her grandmother after puberty. Can she see me writing this in my underwear, clothes thrown everywhere, traveling alone without fear, or plans, or a care in the world? I wonder what she would make of it. I hope she would throw her head back and laugh, delighted at the crazy place the world has become, and marvel at how much has changed. I dare to hope that someday I will do the same, in awe of realities I never thought possible. 

Let yourself be led by emotions. Allow your heart equal power as your head, and you may find yourself more grounded in the present moment. The universe is speaking to us all, we just have to learn to listen.